By Chun Hsia Fan There may come a time in a relationship where you find that:1. This is not the person for you and you want to break up with him/her.2. The person you are in love with wants to break off with you because he/she decides that the relationship won’t work.3. The two of you are meant for each other and you are going to live happily ever after—in that case, why are you reading this!? Case 1-You want to break up:
1. Be nice to them. Make sure they know that you enjoyed your time together, made nice memories, and had good times. Also remember to wish them well in the future. 2. Don’t make it seem like it’s the end of the world to them—give encouragement if possible. Tell them “I hope you find the love you seek” or something along those lines. 3. Don’t tell them everything that they have done wrong or messed up during the relationship. If you want to talk about what went wrong, find a counselor or a friend, not your partner. 4. Be simple, direct, and specific when they ask you why you are breaking up and tell them the key things that are unchangeable in the relationship or what simply isn’t working out. 5. Don’t contact or call them initially. And don’t ask too soon for them to return what belongs to you. If they don’t give your things back then you can ask about it later. But don’t push it. Let time pass, or just consider it a random theft and you’ll get over it, regardless of what they keep. The important thing is to minimize all contact during the breakup. 6. If you work at the same place or have to have daily contact, be cordial, but let it remain at that. The one who was dumped would be the one to decide whether they want to be friends or not. It is okay to reach out to the dumpee to let them know that you still want to be friends, but this is not suggested during the initial breakup period.7. It is good if you can end up as friends; when you are comfortable, try to reach out and let them know that you wish them well. This can ensure that the breakup ends positively even if the initial breakup was horrible. It can also you to forgive each other and to accept each other again—not as lovers but as friends. Case 2- Your partner wants to break up: 1. The number one rule always: be nice. Accept the breakup without nagging, begging, fighting, criticizing, or putting the other down. It took courage and a lot of decision-making for your partner to come to this conclusion, so try to accept and respect it. 2. If your partner tells you the things you did wrong or puts you down, don’t start your own counterattack. Just let it end, and try to keep the memories of the relationship at its best, not its worst. 3. Focus on other things in life such as your goals, job, hobbies, and interests. Don’t let someone else ruin your life for you; live well, be happy, and live your life to its fullest. 4. Let your partner know that you can accept the breakup and will move on. Try and let them know that you are still willing to be friends and that it will be worth it, but also make it clear to them that you would like some time apart before the two of you move on to the next stage. 5. It is okay to feel angry, sad, and disappointed that your partner decided to leave you. Don’t try to suppress your feelings—it is natural to feel the way you do and you will go through the cycle, and it WILL end. 6. Find ways to relieve your feelings, too. Write letters to your ex about how you are feeling, but DO NOT mail them—write all you want and then burn them afterwards when you are satisfied. Final advice to those who just went through a breakup: Learn from your past experience and know what went wrong, what were the mistakes, and know how to avoid them the next time. Remember the good times the two of you had, but also remember what caused problems. If you only remember the good, then your chances of repeating past mistakes are higher. Breaking up is NOT the end of the world. Take this time to notice what you have been missing out in your life, and enjoy being free for the time being. Overall, whether you are the dumper or dumpee, remember this: you will get through it eventually and everything will be fine again. a
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May 2024
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