By Emily Lee Do you remember little Jen and Li Li’s (?????) love story? Though these lovebirds have recently ended their romance, the taboo of their relationship still continues, and has become even more popular these days. Since 40 year-old Demi Moore showed up in front of cameras with 25 year-old Ashton Kutcher on her arm, it seems the proverbial cat – the older woman/younger man relationship – is out of the bag. Demi Moore would be the cat – which we call a “cougar” nowadays. A cougar refers to a woman over 40 who aggressively hunts a younger man for a relationship. For young men, she’s totally irresistible – a flesh-and-blood fantasy to fuel and fulfill their deepest, wildest dreams. But what really attracts younger men to older women is the fact that older women know who they are and know what they want. They do not play mind games; they’re direct, confident, and interesting. But what do most of us think, deep down, about this type of relationship? Do we think of “sagging flesh,” “gigolo,” “sugar momma”? Usually, when a 40-something guy dates a 25 year-old girl, there isn’t much said. But if the tables are turned and the older person is a woman, then many would want to pass judgment. In soap operas it’s always the “bad” older woman who cajoles a younger man into a relationship, usually derailing his career or education in the process. Sometimes she’s a good woman who happens to be down on her luck, vulnerable, or on the rebound – the bottom line: it’s a fleeting story, only an odd flirtation, not a “serious” relationship. Even if one of the fools in these OW/YM couples do think the relationship is serious, the soap opera plotline often explains their relationship as a simple accident. The older woman will eventually wake up, as if she’d been in a trance, and realize that the traditional saying was right all along: “these things can’t last.”
But isn’t this all by choice? When you surf online, you see aged men specifically requesting women ten or more years their junior, while a good number of women of all ages request men who are older than they are. There’s nothing wrong with these preferences; but for people who don’t fall into these categories, alternatives are out there, maybe in large numbers. Some might say that this is another kind of trend that people follow because of the numerous examples among celebrities. But statistics have shown long ago that the percentage of younger men and older women who gravitate towards each other is somewhere between 15 and 30 percent. Perhaps there has been a growing acceptance that makes the number of cougar relationship seem to be on the increase. Though cougar love may never become the norm, there is and probably has always been a steady “older women” fan base in the male population. In some cases, women are being more open about dating younger men, realizing that not everyone thinks the guy’s a gigolo, or that she’s having a desperate mid-life crisis. As people wait longer to marry, or after marriages break down, there are more and more older women finding themselves willing to explore what life has to offer. You may still consider the cougar relationship an odd sight, but then again, if someone makes you feel good, no matter how old or young they are, isn’t that more important? a
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May 2024
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