By Ericka Valladares Do you have any regrets? You smile broadly and answer that you wouldn’t change a thing because that’s how life is. Every decision you made brought you here today and you are perfectly content with it. You regret nothing…
But then you stop for a moment and recall a past memory. Something trivial, like the haircut you had throughout high school which now makes you cringe every time you go through the yearbook, or that girl you dated in college who turned out to have psychopathic tendencies. Or something more serious perhaps? The university major you chose and now hate, the backpacking trip you always found excuses not to do, or giving up when you had the chance to continue trying. It took me a while to find an answer to this question and after finally accepting I did regret something, it just made me grow more curious. Was I the only one? What do other people regret? Are there people who are truly content with every decision they’ve made along the way? Will I stop regretting at some point in my life? So many questions, and I wanted answers. So I decided to open a poll, which received approximately 40 replies from people of twelve different countries, four different continents and with ages ranging from 17 to 50 years old. All these people opened up to me (anonymously, of course) and shared their biggest regret. I read through the answers which amused me for a long while. There were so many different regrets. Some were deeper than others, some were straightforward and could be expressed in a short sentence, and some were more complex and required a lengthy explanation. What I found the most peculiar was how people of different ages and from different continents shared similar regrets. After reading all the answers I received and considering my own regrets, I was able to draw one conclusion: people tend to regret what they did not do. A lost chance, words not said, feelings kept secret, not spending enough time with someone, being afraid of taking a risk… So now their heads are full of “should have,” “could have,” and “would have.” Open ends that keep them awake on quiet nights wondering what could have happened if they had done that thing that was on their minds. Would things be different? Would that person still be here? Would they be the same person they are today? Because even though mistakes are regrets later on, at least they remove all doubts of what could’ve happened. Moreover, a mistake could very well have brought you to the place where you should actually be. Plus, mistakes are human, we all make them and they always teach us a lesson; it doesn’t matter if the lesson is “Ok, now you know what not to do next time.” But those things you did not do such as the time when you were too afraid or the time when overthinking made you miss an opportunity, these things don’t give you any closure and all they leave you with is the bittersweet taste of doubt. Once in a conference I heard a photographer say that the best picture was the one not taken. In that moment I guess he meant that some things can never be captured with a lens but now, thinking from another point of view, I rather think that sometimes we make ourselves believe something is the best once we know we can’t have it. So, of course we will believe that the best shot for the million dollar picture is that one that was not taken in a split second. Because even though we have hundreds of other pictures, ONE picture that we did not take will stick to the back of our minds and nag us constantly. It might sound illogical, but that’s how human minds work: we will always want what we can’t have and we will regret what we did not do. So, try to make your mistakes. Jump off the bridge. Take risks. Try new dishes. Change your routine. Fall in love with the unknown. Send the first text. Make the first move. Ask that question. Give more hugs. Say what you think (after thinking). Take the word NO out of the dictionary when it comes to new experiences. Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and save yourself from the eternal doubt. And by this I do not mean live a reckless life or do things you will SURELY regret. What I mean is give yourself the opportunity of conquering new fears and trying new things. As for the regrets we currently have, I will quote one of the respondents in the poll. This person said he has no regrets because he sees all past mistakes as lessons that teach him how to improve as a human being. He also said that all that we have done or have not done is in the past and therefore should just build our story background, not become a heavy burden to be carried for the rest of our days. I know that as humans it’s hard to forget the things, people, and chances that have been lost, but then… maybe that’s the only way of learning: to lose fear and in that way be able to undertake new risks and stop losing along the way. Maybe, just maybe… letting go of that regret we are carrying today is the only way of stopping ourselves from building a big pile of “should have’s,” “would have’s,” and “could have’s.” a
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The Taida Student Journal has been active since 1995 with an ever-changing roster of student journalists at NTU. Click the above link to read about the authors Archives
May 2024
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