by Grace Do you sometimes feel abashed to act who you are in daily life, but much easier to express yourself behind a computer screen? In real life, we say what we should say, and do what we are supposed to do. True thoughts are stuck in our throats because we do not want to risk being wrong. Many emotions are repressed in our hearts because they are not appropriate to be shown. Unhatched dreams are left dying because we are afraid that they are too awkward to be seen. Is it true that only when entrenched in disguise can we set ourselves free from our timid selves, or be more honest to the voices inside us? In Shakespeare’s play As You Like it, Rosalind was a beautiful lady of noble birth. One day she decided to conceal her identity, and dressed as a man she escaped to the forest. In the forest, Rosalind accidentally bumped into her secret admirer, Orlando. Having a soft spot for him as well, Rosalind made friends with him under a male identity. She promised to help him practice wooing by “acting” a woman to respond to him. It was under this disguise that she could unfold her lively and playful disposition and liberate her love toward Orlando. Just like Rosalind, many girls need a disguise, not a male one but a beautiful one. Some feel very insecure looking into others’ eyes without cosmetic contact lenses, which make their eyeballs bigger and shiny. One popular singer once described her feeling without false nails as being naked on the street. A friend of mine told me that eyelid surgery gave her rebirth, like gloomy winter days suddenly expelled by warm sunlight. She said it was not because of beautiful things, but because everything just looked different to her. Superheroes have to disguise themselves as well. They are trying not to reveal their identities so that villains won’t find them or harm their loved ones, and thus they can keep an ordinary life. Their superpower has to be hidden in an ordinary body and heroic deeds have to be done in the dark. Are people praising the superheroes themselves or just some glamorous silhouettes? Without his costume, Peter Parker is just a normal high school student, but in costume, he is Spider- Man. He puts on his costume when he’s ready for the world, and takes it off when he just wants to spend the day as Peter Parker.
On the web, though we can’t swing around like Spidey we are free to explore. A great thing about online games is that we can create a virtual identity in a whole new world. The person behind a handsome swordsman might be a teenager with zits on his face. Maybe a humorous guy making you laugh in an internet chat room is a geek in real life. In this world we are free to mold a new self, creating a new appearance and digging out hidden personalities. Sometimes we let our wildest dreams gallop, and sometimes we just let our true feelings flow out. We all want to be seen, but not seen through. We care about how we look, so we search for reflections in other people’s eyes. That’s why disguise means so much to us. It can be Rosalind’s costume of courage, girls’ mascara of confidence, a superhero’s mask of hidden power, or a nerd’s sword in a stone of reality. It’s not just animals who need camouflage to survive; we too need it in the jungle of reality. Like chameleons changing their colors to blend in with their surroundings, we are always trying to fit into society. This ability assuages our insecurity of being caught or harmed. Maybe one day, when the sun of freedom rises and the fog of fear has dispersed, we will no longer be chilled by whispers and glances and won’t need a disguise anymore. However, it takes a long long time to wait. Self is not a formula. It cannot be simply pigeonholed by names, ID numbers, blood types, horoscopes or any other outward factors. You are who you choose to be. If life is a show and you are the lead role, pick out the perfect costume that fits your scene, listen to the cue of your voice inside, and let your true self direct you! a
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May 2024
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