by Angela Tsai
If I could bargain with God before I came in to the world, I would beg him that “Please, don’t let me be a twin!” Many people, especially newly married couples, think tat having twins is a wonderful, at least interesting idea. But if you were a twin, like me, you would probably put away such a naihve thought. Don’t believe it? Listen to my story! When my twin sister and I were infants, according to what my mother told me, our crying sounded so similar that our parents could hardly distinguish which one had been fed. This means that it’s possible that one of us had too much milk while the other went hungry. Since then, we have been doomed to share everything, food, clothes, books, friends, and even birthday cards. It’s really a bad experience to receive one card saying, “Happy birthday to Angela and Michelle!” even though we sent cards for our friends separately. And then we had the problem deciding which one of us should keep the card. The card seemed to belong neither to my sister nor to me. How we wished to be considered as two individuals rather than one. But unluckily, people always shattered our dream. To become two independent individuals, we insisted on wearing different clothes, even though most people expect to see twins in the same dresses. But then another problem occurred. People would ask us curiously, “Why do you hate each other?” Oh God! Why do wearing different clothes have to do with hatred? It doesn’t make sense! But I’ve lacked the energy to argue with them. “Are you the younger or the elder?” This is the question that I fear most but always haunts me. Although we’ve given up the tag of twin, in the same dresses, we still have to answer this question at least three times a day. Moreover, in order to avoid complicated explanations, I nod to all those who pass and greet me whether I know them or not. In only one situation can I take advantage of my special identity? When I meet people who insists they know me but I forget them, I’ll deal with my embarrassment by telling them, “Well, you’ve mistaken me for my elder sister, Angela.” However, the real pressure between twins is the inevitable competition, especially over things relating to grades. After the entrance exam of senior high school, almost all our relatives consoled my sister because she did not get into the best high school, as I did. What’s wrong? It’s an excellent school, isn’t it? So, they expressed their sympathy instead of congratulating her. Actually, it’s really hurt my sister. She felt she was a loser in their eyes, compared with me, even though she never felt ashamed of the school she entered. This kind of competition has plagued us for twenty years. When we learned to play piano, every lesson ended with the teacher’s commenting on which one was better than the other. Our figures, hairstyles, personalities, and everything that can be compared are always the topics of conversation for our relatives. We never regard each other as the competitor even if others think so. Whenever there is a comparison, one of us will feel stabbed in the heart. Do you still want to be a twin? In Chinese thought, twins must have a deeper affinity given by god, so they are destined to accompany each other all the time. My mother, an elementary school teacher, has taught many pairs of twins who relied on each other very much. They even went everywhere together. I can’t imagine it. Maybe before I came to the world, God forgot to teach me how to behave like a twin! a
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May 2024
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