by Belinda ChenNow that we’ve broken up, what’s next? This is a question that plenty of us happen to face at some point in our lives, and how we face this question varies among every individual and circumstances. To target this question from a new and light-hearted perspective, I’ve formulated a chatty sort of guideline for post-breakups. Hopefully, you can find some solace with this guideline.
Preface Before the breakup, he/she was probably the first person you message or call everyday, the first candidate for visiting a new restaurant or watch a new film with, the person you yearn to see and embrace at the end of the day. The moment you both have decided to end the relationship, he/she no longer can be the person you seek for emotional solace, restrictions on physical interactions are drawn immediately, and it is no longer each other’s duty to fulfill his/her expectations. As you have probably realized, there isn’t an emotional switch we can turn on and off for our convenience; it simply isn’t possible to switch your mentality from lovers to friends the moment the relationship has terminated. What now? Take a deep breath, if you’re feeling helpless, follow this guide to get back on track (hopefully). How did this happen? Breakups occur due to countless reasons, the following are some common reasons behind a breakup. Let’s begin with the reason behind the break-up to figure out which step to take next: A. That b*tch/ man whore cheated on me!Originally posted by gossipgirllxoxo Obviously, this person has poor taste and doesn’t understand how to appreciate your fineness. Well, if you’re the one that cheated… why are you even reading this, seriously? Solution: Wipe your tears, toss everything away, delete every ounce of him/her from your life. Chin up, make yourself even more fabulous and you’ll find someone mind blowing! Don’t even think about giving him/ her a second chance, or create delusional reasons to excuse his/ her action; because you don’t need to swallow your pride for someone that didn’t know how to appreciate you in the first place. Besides, how can you be sure that he/ she won’t repeat the same mistake again? Not ready for another relationship? That’s totally understandable! Spend more time on loving yourself, on your friends, family, and etc. However, it’s important to not mourn at home with a bottle of vodka and Häagen Dazs on your lap; forgetting and moving on is your only solution. Think about the things you would like to pursue and accomplish. Being solo means more freedom and time flexibility, enjoy that while you can! B. The spark simply has vanishedOriginally posted by myxandme Yea…this reason is hard to grasp, but it happens. Please, do not feel that it’s your fault the spark has disappeared. Life is constantly fluctuating (wow, so cliche), people change with time; it’s not something we can control. Solution: If either one of you are unwilling to reignite the relationship, then don’t force it. He/she has already decided that the passion has dissipated, forcing him/her to think otherwise will not improve the relationship. Lose your grip, focus on other things. Perhaps with some distance between you two, messages like “how’ve you been lately?”, “wanna grab coffee?”, “I miss you”, will start appearing. Personally, I’m not against getting back together in situations like this, but I would strongly recommend you to ponder carefully on the potential of the relationship and make sure of what the other person has in mind before rushing back into his/her arms; I mean…what if he/she was just drunk, lonely, or just desperate? That would be no fun for you. C. You’re just not that important to meOriginally posted by fairyinpink “I’m sorry babe, I just ain’t got no time”. Let me rephrase “I ain’t got no time” for you— “you’re not that important to me”. Sure, there are periods of time when excessive workloads drown us and 24 hours a day just don’t suffice. You’re not the only Mr./Ms. Busy out there; with proper communication, trust, time management, and most importantly, love for your other half, there are countless ways you can balance work and relationship without having to call it quits. However, if he/she prioritizes work over you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, he/she probably doesn’t appreciate you enough. No one enjoys to feel neglected, especially by your loved ones; and if he/she can’t manage to squeeze in time for you, I personally don’t see much future in the relationship, unless you’re super busy as well (then why bother to be in a relationship?). Solution: Everyone has a different mindset and different priorities. If your ex’s list of priorities doesn’t match yours, the relationship can become troublesome. Think optimistically. Now you’re free of distress; you no longer have to wait for him/her to get off work (supposedly) to accompany you, you don’t have to fret around wondering when is the next time you’ll get to see him again and worry whether you’re being too needy or not… The wait and distress is over and now you can do whatever whenever you want; no one is in control of your emotion and time.What were the things you enjoyed doing before you were in a relationship? With much more spare time on your hands, what would you want to do the most? Embrace the freedom and make the best of it. “Honey, I’m sorry for making you feel neglected, I promise to make time for you no matter what”— should you give it another shot? It’s up to you, maybe he/she truly will change, but maybe the change will only last for one week; do what’s best for you. Even with thorough communication and compromises, a relationship in which both people have different priorities isn’t ideal. Find yourself someone that prioritizes things in a way that’s suits your mindset and values. D. Endless fightsOriginally posted by bunnierz Somehow, everything he/she said seemed to irritate you. His/her action made it seem as if he/she doesn’t love you enough, and doubts about the future of this relationship began to pile up, engulfing you. Solution: When a relationship encounters problems which neither person bothers to resolve, it’s only natural that the relationship falls apart. I mean, it’s exhausting to argue constantly, isn’t your mind much more at peace now? Perhaps this was bound to happen anyway, why struggle further? In the future, find someone that is patient and willing to make compromises, someone that isn’t afraid of saying sorry; someone that is willing to take a step down and swallow their ego because they can’t bear to see those tears on your face. E. Long distanceOriginally posted by 50shadesofdistance Did either of you become worn out by the missed Skype dates and time differences? Did not knowing his/her whereabouts and not being able to meet up make you anxious? Or maybe being in completely different environments drifted you two apart, made you both realize there’s so much more out there that you would like to prioritize beforehand and pursue after. Solution: In this case, perhaps it would be slightly easier to adapt to the post breakup trauma since you probably haven’t seen him/her in person for a while already, or have drifted apart due to the growing distance between one another. Continue to focus on what you were doing during the long distance relationship; simply roll on with your life. Get yourself out there and mingle; have your friends introduce you to a broader range of people and open yourself up to new opportunities. F. Family issuesOriginally posted by find-a-reaction-gif You may think, it’s my relationship, why should I let my family’s opinion influence my thoughts? Yea, that would be the case if you live in Lalaland. When the family strongly dislikes the girl/boyfriend, it’s highly likely that they will create obstacles to interfere with the relationship. When family opposition gets intense, it’s rather difficult to not get influenced by their constant grumbling. Solution: If the only reason behind the breakup is due to family opposition, think of Romeo & Juliet and you might find some consolation. Just kidding. Assess the relationship thoroughly; is the love between you two strong enough to withstand the family storm? Is he/she willing to earn for their approval? If so, I suggest to clearly state your decision to the family and attempt to have them understand your decision. However, if you don’t want to bother, then I suggest you to carefully select the candidates for your future boy/girlfriend to prevent any future family chaos. Conclusion Generally speaking, the solution to all different situations follow a similar concept; do not blame yourself, stay optimistic, move forward with your life, shift your focus elsewhere, and open yourself up to new opportunities. If under appropriate circumstances, you have decided with your ex to get back together after a thorough and rational discussion, then go for it. If the breakup is the ultimate decision, stay firm to your decision, move on and detach any strings that may link yourself back to your ex. People come and go during our lives, relationships end for new ones to blossom in the future; look forward to the next prince charming/cinderella in your life! a
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May 2024
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