by Kathy Hong
For one reason or another, we may have to break up with that “once” special someone sometime in our short lives. Breaking up is a cruel thing for either one or both people. Here are a few ways to do it perfectly. 1. The Old-fashioned Way This category is the one we probably turn to most often, yet it’s not always the best technique. Although it’s a fast and direct way to get it over and done with, you must carry the blame of dumping the person. Come right out and say it bluntly. Here are a few examples that are most often used: (1) “I don’t love you anymore." (2) "I’m seeing someone else." (3) "You are crowding me, I need some time and space to sort things out." (4) "There are too many differences between the two of us." Conventional yet effective. Anyone can take a hint. And *poof* you’ll never see him/her again. 2. The Discreet Way In order to remove the responsibility from your shoulders, let him/her bring up the suggestion. (1) Start filling up your schedule with everything else but him/her. (It may take a long time to irritate the person into the notion of breaking up, but it is a sure way to guarantee success.) (2) Always act dull around him/her. But deny you’re bored around him/her. This is bound to make the person feel unattractive. (3) Pick a time and place you know he/she will certainly show up; then walk in with your new friend intimately. You can be sure someone’s going to raise the roof… (4) Catch him/her forgetting an occasion, whether it’s the anniversary of your first meeting, your dog’s fourth birthday, or the 45th anniversary of your granny’s dentures (just make something up), then whine until your drop. Gals, here’s a little extra tip for you: Most guys hate their girlfriends to be more competent than themselves. So shame him by being a Miss Know-it-all. Get things done faster than he does, get better grades than him, get more attention than he does, win his friends over, if this doesn’t work, then nothing will. You’re stuck! 3. The Radical Way (1) Cut all your phone lines. (2) Move to another planet. (3) Ask your friends to hold a fake funeral on your behalf. (4) Tell him you’re carrying another person’s child. (5) Record on your answering machine: "Leave your message after the beep, but if you are xxx, then you’ve got the wrong number”. a
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May 2024
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